Mine's A Pint Of Unicorn Tears

I was invited on my first ever brewery tour recently. I know, it's shocking that someone who likes beer so much has never been on a brewery tour. I think I would have booked myself on one much sooner had I known how much free beer was involved. Yay!

The Redwell Brewery is local to me, being a Norwich lass n'all, but even so I got a lift down there (save my strength for the beer tasting). I almost didn't find it as the brewery is located directly under the railway bridge, under an archway with a small sign saying 'Beer Shop Tours'. After stepping through a small door, I was in a large open plan room with barrels and fairy lights on one side, shiny brewing equipment on the far side and a small makeshift bar next to the door. It reminded me of a pop-up bar I went to in Hackney, except that this one had real pumps instead of bottles in ice buckets. It also had the Norwich game playing, something the temporary Hackney pop-up had neglected to include.

On the bar were some awesome beer mats that I did consider stealing (they had unicorns using their tears to make beer on them!!) but thought better of it as I was handed a beer. While we waited for a few stragglers to arrive (who actually did get lost) I studied the beer mat to see exactly how unicorn tears made Redwell, and felt slightly awkward having turned up on my tod. That didn't last long though as beer makes fast friends of strangers. Especially when all those strangers really like beer.




We followed Nate, our Redwell tour guide and all-round beer aficionado, as he went through the brewing process. The parts I found most interesting were more to do with the history of brewing, like

where the term 'lager' comes from, and what beer might have been like when was first created with the ingredients and knowledge available at the time. It was also interesting (and this is going to sound weird) to learn about wild yeast and how dangerous it can be to commercial brewing and modern flavours. I knew something of the basic process (my parents had a Guinness cartoon showing the 'adding of the yeast'. I did say my knowledge was basic) but I had no idea it was filtered quite so much. Or the different kinds of hops and when they're added to the process to change the flavour. Ok, so I liked the majority of the facts too, as well as the beer samples. I was already a fan of the Redwell lagers but it was really good to see behind the scenes. They really do brew in small batches. And they really do love their beer.

I got to keep my pint glass as a souvenir and I could hear it clinking in my bag as I wobbled home for a nap.



I'd still prefer it if their beer was made by actual unicorns though.

Yorkshire Brews

I spent a long weekend in gorgeous North Yorkshire and, unsurprisingly, sampled a lot of fine beers.
We stayed in Masham, home of both the Black Sheep and Theakston's breweries. The relatively small town had a few pubs to choose from. We patronised every one of them over the course of the weekend except the Bay Horse which was a Greene King pub. Coming from East Anglia we drink Greene King's brews on a regular basis so stuck to the local brews.

Friday 24th April

Where: World's End, Bond End, Knaresborough.

What: Blonde, Daleside Brewery.

Our first pint oop north. After a four hour drive it was most welcome, as was the lovely view of the river from the beer garden. The beer was poured through a sparkler, something I don't understand the point of, being a Southerner and preferring my bevvie without added froth. The World's End was clearly a family orientated one and only had two ales on tap, the rest was lager and cider etc. While the Daleside Blonde was nothing to write home about, an average mid-ale, it can't have been that bad as by the time I remembered to take a picture, our beers had been drained!
We wandered up to the castle, round some shops and headed off to our B&B.


Where: The Bruce Arms, Masham.

What: Best Bitter, Black Sheep and Theakston's

After checking into our frankly gorgeous B&B we went straight to the pub. The Bruce Arms had a huge beer garden, especially compared to the size of the traditional bar. This seemed to be the pub favoured by the locals as far as I could tell and we enjoyed a pint of bitter from each of the town's breweries. I'm fairly sure they didn't come through a sparkler either.

Where: Black Sheep Brewery,

What: Golden Sheep, Holy Grail, Riggwelter, all Black Sheep Brewery

We couldn't wait any longer and headed to the Black Sheep brewery, yay! The bar (sorry, B....aaar) and bistro were housed in a lovely high ceiling brick building, with sheep everywhere. Most of the space was taken with the restaurant, it would have been nice to have a more pub-style area, especially seeing as they were open late. The Golden Sheep was a lovely golden ale, the Holy Grail had a lovely depth of flavour. The Riggwelter is too dark a beer for me, but I did have the Riggy Burger made with the beer. It was lovely and the size of the portion was very generous. The fella sat on a giant wooden black sheep. Couldn't ask for more. Or could we?

On the way home we stopped for another at the Bruce Arms, then back to our plush bed.

Saturday 25th April

After a hearty, full Yorkshire breakfast we popped into the Theakston's Brewery to have a look around. If the bar in the brewery had been open later than 4.30pm we would have had a drink there after our tourist treks, but as it was we never managed to have a pint at the brewery. The smell around the place was of pure old pub aroma. On the bright sunny day it made me very happy.




Where: The Fountain, Hawes

What: Butter Tubs, Yorkshire Dales Brewery, Propa' Pale Ale, Wensleydale Brewery.

We drove out to Hawes and as we parked it started to rain. My shoes had holes in and my coat was definitely not waterproof. We went round the Wensleydale Creamery, ate our body weight in cheese and then bought wedges for everyone we knew. Then we had a pint in The Fountain, a pub that reminded me of the place I used to work in when I lived in Manchester. A proper pub with staff who are friendly because that's the way they are, not because they've been trained to be that way. The Butter Tubs beer was lush, traditional, the pump clip designs were eye-catching and modern. It immediately became my favourite. My fella had a pint of Wensleydale Pale Ale which was also easy drinking and at £3.10 a pint, a bargain (I know, I live too close to London so am pleased when a pint comes in at under four quid). Two old guys at the bar were talking about lambing and the bar lady was complaining that her pump was blowing when it should be sucking. I could have stayed there all day.


Where: Tan Hill Inn, Swaledale.

What: My Generation, My Generation Beer Co.

After that we decided to head up to the Tan Hill Inn, the highest pub in the Britain (as in the most meters above sea level). As we drove up the winding roads, with not a house in sight, the rain got worse. Then it turned to snow. Snow! The pub was an odd one, having a unique reason to be visited but no one local to provide the kind of atmosphere only regulars can. The bar man was grumpy, then I saw him dry a coffee cup on his jeans before serving coffee in it to a customer. The beer was good however, and I enjoyed a pint of My Generation (a new craft beer brewed by Black Sheep but on behalf of someone else). I wish I'd got a snap of the pump clip as the logo is awesome.

There were cyclists filling the bar. They had actually cycled, in the snow, to the top of this mount. Nutters.




Where: George & Dragon, Leyburn.

What: Leyburn Shawl, George & Dragon, both Yorkshire Dales Brewery.

On the way back to Masham we stopped at the George & Dragon. The bar was tiny, with a log fire and sketches of old chaps on the wall. I assumed they were regulars. The restaurant took most of the space and would have been like dining in an antiques shop. There were collections of miniature liqueurs, vintage furs and pairs of Victorian shoes. It looked well thought out rather than cluttered or gimmicky though. There wasn't much room so we stood at the bar and enjoyed our drinks.

I got to try a different Yorkshire Dales brew, slightly darker with a fuller flavour than the Butter Tubs, and the chap had a half of a bitter named after the pub, with the same cartoon on the clip as on the sign outside. I'm not a fan of the cartoon pub sign, especially when the pub itself is so traditional and has clearly been standing for a number of years, but I couldn't fault the pub itself. Nice beers and full of character, just the way I like it.





Where: King's Head Hotel, Masham.

What: Golden Sheep, Black Sheep Brewery.

Back in Masham, we discovered a bottle of Black Sheep and a birthday card outside our door for the chap from the B&B owners. Told you it was a nice place. We headed out for a pint and to look around for somewhere to eat and stopped for one in the King's Head Hotel. It was a trendy kind of place, as you might expect, and I'm not sure if the barman was having a bad day or not but our pints of Golden Sheep were just pushed towards us. The place looked nice enough and we would have probably eaten there if we had fancied somewhere 'nice' to eat. If you know what I mean. We're a bit low key so we ticked it off our list and headed elsewhere.


Where: White Bear, Masham

What: Lightfoot and Four & Twenty, both Theakston's Brewery

What looked to be a promising pub from the outside (lovely Yorkshire stone, traditional looking signs) turned out to be a bit uncomfortable inside. This, I must stress, was due to the other patrons not the staff or the White Bear itself. In the 'lounge bar' there was a decent looking gastro pub restaurant (too posh for what we wanted though), but in the 'public bar' there were a couple of loud, obnoxious blokes, one of whom smacked the barmaids bum. I had a customer do this to me once, in my first bar job. I told him quietly, but in no uncertain terms, that kind of thing did not happen in that pub, or to me if he wanted to keep drinking. He didn't come back in for a month. We opted to stand in the lounge bar. The beer barrel light fittings were interesting, but the stained glass behind the bar depicting a brewery scene left a little to be desired. Some bits looked as though they'd been drawn on with marker pen. There was also a stuffed head of a Polar Bear roaring in a glass case. I drank a pint of Lightfoot, which was nice but Black Sheep is more my thing I decided. After finishing our drinks stood uncomfortably at the restaurant bar, we went back to the Black Sheep brewery.

Where: Black Sheep Brewery, Masham.

What: Holy Grail and Old Ale, both Black Sheep.

The bar man remembered us and we ate there again. Fella had beer battered fish and chips, I had ribs with an ale infused sticky sauce. The beer was awesome and we were so full by the end of the evening we practically rolled home to sleep the sleep of people filled with ale.

Awesome.

Bank Holiday Beer Blog

Double bank holiday, yay! But I work for myself so don't get paid on bank holidays, boo! Still lots of time sample some lovely bevvies. Here's a quick (ish) round up.

Thursday - 

Where: The Leopard
Bull Close Road, Norwich
What: Grand Slam, Greene King

 After finishing work, and the weather having been lovely all day while I was stuck inside, we had a quick change of clothes and dashed over the road (almost literally) to The Leopard. As always we received a friendly welcome and, most importantly, CAMRA member discount! Two beers caught our eye and the first, Grand Slam, was lovely. The second, Bitter Lemon, was a bit too....lemony. After dashing home for our grocery delivery, we popped back to The Leopard for seconds and thirds. And a pork pie. I'm so pleased the Leopard seems to be in good hands, it's nice to have a decent pub just a stones throw away from me again!

Friday - 

Where: The Woolpack Yard
What: Nothing. Yardbird was off again and we didn't fancy a pint of Nobel first thing in the evening.

Where: The Golden Star
Colegate, Norwich
What: YPA, Roosters

Went to The Golden Star to meet my brother and friends. It's a lovely pub that we don't really use enough. It's like a country pub just outside the city centre that does decent Sunday lunches. They've also started doing breakfasts but I haven't managed to have one yet, being the lazy sod I am. Always got a range of different real ales on, pub quiz and music nights etc

I had a pint of YPA (Yorkshire Pale Ale) and it was lush. A pale ale with a bit of something about it rather than washy nothing-ness. Chris had a pint of Tawny, Cotleigh Brewery, which he described as tasting like a corked bottle of red, so he had YPA after that. On the otherhand my brother quite liked it. We talked about terrible jobs and nightmare bosses. Someone said that their boss emails them telling them to bring them a cup of tea. And gets their name wrong in the process. Went home feeling slightly more grateful that I work for myself. Sort of.

Saturday - 

Where: Friends House Party
What: Dark Pale Ale, Innes & Gunn

Ok, I am kind of cheating a bit here. I had one bottle of Innes & Gunn and then the rest of the night was spent drinking overly strong cocktails and my friends' Budweiser. I like Innes & Gunn but as I'm not a huge fan of rum (and their beers are brewed with a rum finish) I generally only have one. At someone elses house. When that's all they've got.
We listened to a lot of Britney Spears and played Cards Against Humanity. I got home at 4am. Christ on a bike.

Sunday - 

Day off! Went to my mums for lunch and drank nothing but tea. Considered the pub but then couldn't be bothered to move. Resigned myself to 'be sensible' and go tomorrow instead to take full advantage of the bank holiday Monday.

Monday - 

Where: The Playhouse!
St George's Street, Norwich
What: Lady Evelyn, Tipples Brewery

The Playhouse is my go-to pub. I should get Frequent Drinker Miles or something. Today a particularly catchy pump clip caught my eye. Lady Evelyn must have been one freaky lady, as the pump clip depicted death driving a flaming carriage over a bridge. I was sold. It tasted good too. Chris had a Spelt Blonde, St Peter's Brewery, and to me it tasted almost of toffee. I hate toffee. After three or four pints I tried to remember what I'd done this weekend and attempted to write it down. I will get better at it. Probably.

Beer (mis)Adventures

20.3.15 Sometimes a few beers and a positive outlook make for questionable decisions...

Where: The Playhouse
St George's Street, Norwich

What: IPA, Hand Drawn Monkey

After working hard all week, I managed to finish early on Friday (yay!) so went to the pub, of course. This afternoon the pub in question was the fabulous Playhouse Bar. The Playhouse is a bar that is likely to appear often in my blogs, as it is an awesome place and near to where I live. The only thing that occasionally puts me off is they sometimes have a run of weeks where there are no ales on that I like, and I resort to Redwell (nice, but expensive). Today was not one of those days, as Hand Drawn Monkey was on. A full-tasting Pale Ale with a quirky pump clip that, the barmaid informed me, was supposed to be slightly cloudy. She spoke with the tone of someone used to telling people 'there's nothing wrong with the beer, it's supposed to be like that' and I smiled a knowing smile back at her. The sun shone, the beer was great, all was right with the world. Then my friends had to leave and I was left with the 'shall I go home or shall I have another beer?' quandary.

(The picture above was taken at The Playhouse but is actually a photo of Panther's Ruby ale. Do not sue me etc)

Where: Fat Cat
West End Street, Norwich

What: Hell Cat, Fat Cat

Luckily for me I had other friends finishing early too, so after numerous text messages and a leisurely stroll across Norwich, I found myself at the bar of the Fat Cat. There are three 'Fat Cats' in Norwich and as their Brewery Tap is only five minutes from my house I usually favour that one, but was persuaded to make the trip to their pub on West End Street (it wasn't a difficult argument to be fair). I asked for a pint of Hell Cat (one of their own brews and my usual). It's a beer I find easy to drink any time and be it two pints or ten, I never tire of it. I will always browse their board, in an effort to 'try something new' and never do. Also the Fat Cat pub is where I began drinking my ales in a dimple glass/handle mug/jug. It was also here that an unknown woman told me it was 'unbecoming' for a lady to drink from one. These kinds of people also think ladies should only drink halves. I think we can all guess my opinion on that.

After a few pints and some highly questionable conversation involving carrots (probably best not to ask), I decided it would be a good idea to try The Perseverance just down the road. It had been taken over relatively recently by the same landlady who had managed the Bridge House when it was a rock pub and I was hoping for a similar theme in this little local. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Where: The Perseverance
Adelaide Street, Norwich

What: Bitter, Youngs

After purchasing our beverages we sat somewhat awkwardly at a table against the wall. For a Friday night the place had very few people in. The walls were Artexed to within an inch of their life and the layout, carpet and decor felt like an old ladies sitting room that desperately needed an update. I'm not sure if this was the fault of a juke box or not, but the music was euro-dance and that combined with the regulars made the atmosphere slightly uncomfortable. There may have been children present, which wouldn't have helped my opinion of the place either. Youngs bitter was the only option other than lager and was not my taste at all. Generic, bog-standard, slightly chemically and with more bitterness than is strictly necessary, our drinks were finished promptly and we headed off towards the second of my random decisions for the evening. Sometimes I'm grateful I tried new places, even if it's just to do something different. Sometimes I should just stick to what I like.

Where: West End Retreat
Browne St, Norwich

What: Fizzy lager :(

The West End Retreat is one of those pubs that splits people. I personally love it's unintentional weirdness, which other bars try to cultivate in an effort to be interesting but fail dismally. Other people (including my drinking companion at the time) sit the other side of the fence, looking over at the weirdness and thinking 'why did we leave the Fat Cat?'.  This quirky little pub is made up of three rooms (from memory) one is the main bar, one has a pool table and then there's the back bar which leads to the garden. The main bar has a parrot in it. The pool room seems to be a sort of youth club with young 'uns piled in armchairs and vinyl LPs nailed to the wall. The back bar always has karaoke going on (or at least it seems to) with a green laser light show for extra randomness. The people in there are always on one (in a good way) and the place seems to be in perpetual darkness. But saying that I wouldn't want to see it in the day time, it might spoil the ambiance.

We walked in and I looked for ale, couldn't see any and just plumped for a euro lager. This doesn't mean they didn't have any but I can't remember ever drinking anything else in there. That and I always end up in the West End after a good few beers elsewhere. Yes, usually doing karaoke. An Irish fella at the bar asked if I could understand his accent better than his local friend and I said yes. This seemed to be immensely hilarious to everyone involved and spark off some debate from the Norfolk chap. When I told him I had lived in Suffolk/Norfolk since I was 3, it didn't make him any happier. I think he was hoping I was a tourist who had wandered in, unable to find space in the Cat up the road.

We left them to their debate and went into the pool room where we immediately felt about twenty years older than everyone else. Unable to convince my companion to sing a duet with me, we finished our drinks out front. I promised never to make him stray from the Cat again without enough cash in my pocket to buy him a drink (the West end doesn't take cards) and we headed home.

I love Norwich pubs. Especially the random ones.

Know Your Beers!

19.3.15 Just a quick one today, as there's not much that needs saying

Where: The Eagle
Newmarket Road, Norwich

What: Ubu, Purity Brewery

It was my first time in The Eagle pub. I asked the barmaid for a pint of Ubu. She looked at me like I'd just spoken Greek and said "a pint of what?!". I repeated myself and she continued to look blank. I pointed at the pump clip and said "Ubu, by Purity?". "Oh, everyone just asks for Purity, I didn't know that's what it was called!"

I don't expect every bar staff member to be a beer aficionado, or even like beer, but knowing what a beer is called is a must. I know I know, I'm a beer geek.

With an ample car park and huge beer garden The Eagle could be awesome, but inside is generic and bland with naff paintings on the walls and fake flowers. Despite it not meeting my taste in decor, the pub was still full on a Wednesday night, so if it ain't broke don't fix it!

P-SB says: PUB! Not to my taste but hey, not everything can be. Won't be going again but for no other reason than lack of character.
BEER! Drink it again? Of course, but not in The Eagle. I like Purity ales a lot, but this is not a real ale pub, more lager and wine. But again they seem to be doing a roaring trade in what they do, so carry on!

Impromptu Pub Crawl - A Blog is Born

14.3.15 After doing some shopping (and convincing myself that I could pull off a questionable denim waistcoat) we went to the pub. Chirs suggested it, which is unusual as it's normally me who hankers for a beer first. As happens most weekends we tried to think of somewhere we wanted to go that we hadn't been to in a while. Living in Norwich we are spoiled for fab pubs, but end up going to the same places we love over and over. Sometimes we are reminded of a great pub we should visit more often, sometimes we wish we'd just gone to our favourite and stopped being pubventurous.

Where: Ten Bells (or X Bells if that's your bag)
St Benedicts Street, Norwich

What: Rok IPA, Black Wolf Brewery

The Ten Bells is somewhere we don't usually go to, as their extensive cocktail menu means getting stuck behind someone who wants three complicated flashy drinks that take twenty minutes to make, while all I want is a pint. Frustrating. This, however, is rarely the case during the day so we were served super fast. Despite their propensity to cocktails and rare gins and whiskeys the Ten Bells is still capable of feeling like a pub. Albeit with trendy grey walls and up-lighters under their bottles. The other thing that bodes well for beer lovers is the staff always seem to know what they're talking about, even when it comes to the real ale. The selection of ales is always good too and often includes local stuff as well as brewers like Hog Back. While I love Adnams, not everyone in Norfolk has to serve it. You heard it here first.

I had seen the pump clip for the Black Wolf Brewey's new 'Rok' IPA somewhere before and wanted to try it. I am a sucker for a good pump clip, and this one was metallic blue with a wolf holding a guitar in one hand while throwing heavy metal horns with the other. Sold. I love a good IPA, but some suffer from tasting too watery, too middle-of-the-road-ey. This one was awesome. As I remarked to Chris, 'this beer has a proper beer flavour'. I did say I wasn't a food critic. Nice colour, citrus aftertaste (grapefruit says Chris). At 4% it would make a good session ale. It was over this beer that I decided to write a beer blog. If I hadn't decided to write this blog, I probably would have drunk that beer all day.

P-SB says: PUB! Good bar for daytime drinking. Knowledgeable staff. Well-kept beers and a good variety. City beer garden too.
BEER! Drink it again? Hell yes. Buy branded merchandise? Most likely.

Off to the next pub....

Where: White Lion
Duke Street, Norwich

What: Medusa and Sparta, Milton Brewery

The White Lion is a fabulous pub. Award winning in fact. They specialise in cider but as cider makes me very drunk very quickly (and not in a good way) I stick to their real ales, which are also awesome. While their cider selection changes, the White Lion seems to stick with beers from the Milton Brewery only, which is no bad thing. While occasionally the front bar can feel a bit 'local' (as in people sometimes stare at you when you first walk in, and the bar stools are always taken by the same faces) it has a friendly atmosphere and decent food. It also has an open policy on geeks and mild-mannered weirdos, as people can often be seen in the back bar playing Magic The Gathering and such like. We often go there for Sunday lunch (which is always brilliant and good value for money) and before nights out and they never bat an eyelid at my crazy outfits. I love the fact that they have a sign above the door reminding people that the pub is primarily a place for grown-ups, children should be well behaved or go home. I concur.

I had a pint of Sparta, pale ale, easy drinking but can suffer from lack of depth, which just comes down to what you like really. Chris had a Medusa, as he prefers something a little darker. both beers are of similar strength (4.3% and 4.6%) but the Medusa is too heavy for my palette. I could drink one pint of it with a little effort but more than that would be too much. Chris loves his coffee strong and the same goes for his bevvies so he enjoys the burnt fruit taste.

P-SB says: PUB! This pub is good day or night, and it looks like a proper pub too. Staff are happy to advise on beer and give tasters, food is fab and there is a covered garden, bar billiards and a dart board.

BEER! Drink it again? I would probably try something else, as I've still not found the Milton beer that does it for me, but the pub is so nice by the time I leave I've forgotten what I've tried as I'm a bit fuzzy-headed.

Off to the next pub....

Where: The Woolpack Yard
Muspole Street, Norwich

What: Noble, Greene King brewery

Occasionally I like a nice craft lager (don't hate me), especially at the end of the night or on a hot day. The Woolpack Yard usually has Yardbird on tap which is one such lager, but they had sold out that evening. Unfortunately Yardbird is the main reason we visit the Woolpack. The barmaid suggested a pint of Noble instead and gave us tasters and it was pretty similar. The only thing I didn't like was the glass it came in. I'm a little old school and I like my pints in a pint glass, not an oversized wine glass. The pub is not normally the style I like - beige walls with high stools and leather sofas - but the beer garden/courtyard is a lush place to sit. I think the pub suffers from being almost hidden away in the city centre, but this is what makes the courtyard so nice, as it feels like you're in a secluded bit of the city and there's a lot of sky to be enjoyed.

Noble tasted similar to Erdinger, but less wheaty. I think we only had one, as it was gassy (as lagers tend to be) and we were already quite full. Also even though it was a Saturday night the pub was fairly quiet, and I like a bit of atmosphere alongside my beverage. After finishing our beers, we headed home for a takeaway.

P-SB says: PUB! Slightly more trendy than I usually like, but the staff are friendly and the beer garden is big.
BEER! Drink it again? Maybe, if there was no decent real ale available, but it reminded me why I don't drink lagers much. Gassy!

Pint-Sized Blonde

As I was sat in the pub one Saturday afternoon (as I am most Saturday afternoons), it dawned on me that the one thing I am really in to, is beer. It was probably completely obvious to everyone else but I had been wondering what my 'thing' could be for years and here it was, right in front of me, in a lovely dimpled glass. Some people spend their weekends tinkering in the garage, or growing vegetables, spending time with their kids or animals, or blogging about make-up and fashion. All of these things make me yawn. I would rather be in the pub. In fact I would rather be in the pub than doing most other things. It is the place I meet my friends, the place I have random conversations with even randomer people, the place where I get inspiration and freedom to think. It is also one of the only places I feel ok to be alone. Also, I love beer.

With all that in mind it was decided that I should write a beer blog, for no other reason than it would give me a subject to write about outside of my writing job. The blog would essentially entail me writing about the pubs I visit and the beers I consume while there. I am not a food critic, nor a brewer, I am just a woman who likes a decent pint, and I like to talk about it. Sometimes my blogs may be only a few lines (especially if the beer was pants) sometimes I may waffle. This is also the place where I don't have to worry about how it reads or the quality of my words, I spend my working day doing that already. I will just write as it comes and say what I think. If you like it, if it makes you want to visit the pub, then awesome. If you don't like it, then turn the computer off and go to the pub.

Either way, go to the pub. And for goodness sake, don't order a Fosters.